Before anyone says anything... I am trying to say I understand why he did some of the things that he did... not how he attained enlightenment... although I do feel that each one of has the capability to do so...
Sometimes we need to ask what we love and what we hate... I hate my job... and I am thankful to the job and the fimr because I have experienced some luxuries but still...
Siddhartha left everything he once owned... on the most selfish pursuit ever... there was a time when I used to think that that should not be the way but well... He left his parents.. his wife and everyone he knew.... to find someone he never knew... Buddha... He found and attained Buddha...
It's been some volatility (fluctuations) in the financial market last 2 weeks and I have been working 14-16 hours eversince... Not complaining as I feel this is something that I as a professional has to do... But c'mon... It's been 5 years now... working... Work is important but it's time to do something else as well... something more...
Yes in today's world it is not possible to walk out of people's life like that... so I am in a dilemma... I was and am in love with the lady in my life but the magic is gone... My bro used to say that the magic can never be recreated and was so true.. Me and my love were separated... had a break up... for about 3 months... and then we got back together... But now we realize that we are not the same as we used to... the way I used to behave was so different... I do not wait for weekends so that I can see her now... she too has changed so much ever since... So different she is now...
And these 3 months were again a beginning of the journey to my heart inside... all these pent up dreams, feelings... As i look back on my life... I very well know that true love never comes in the way of attaining one's self... But maybe it had... for the last 5 years I have been working like crazy... I bought a house... Was all ready to get married, have children... Maybe, if good health and fortune permits, walk the road of live together with my lady so bright.... All that is good and would be amazing... But these 3 months of solitude and the internal brainstorming makes me feel that is not what I am...
Not to emulate Siddhartha... He just went out in the darkness of the night... Just like that... But I cannot to do that... There is so much I want to do... So much... So that when I think it is time to WALK OVER my job.... I can just do it... When I have accumulated wealth good enough for me... When i find that one satisfying small deed(which I already have a small idea about)... I can just go ahead and do it...
I know I will hurt the person whom i have loved so much,.. But i think I need to go with it...
Tomorrow will never arrive. You will never accumulate "enough" wealth.
ReplyDeleteI know, I have been there.
By the way, you don't need to leave anybody/ anything. No need for renunciation. You just need to leave your mind out of everything; just be a witness.
Let the observer and the observed be one. realize "I am That." That is all.
Trying to get there... I have been active internally and really changing some perspectives... Much more calmer now...
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