I remember a young man who was living a life of dreams…. What I mean is, that he believed in his dreams… Reality aside, he always thought that somehow it will all come true… that he will play cricket at the highest level, that he WILL make a difference to this world… and although he never really knew what to do but somehow he always dreamt about doing all this and also the calm and the serenity he would feel after fulfilling these…
No longer a young man, now… I see this man… Who knows what to do… but just at time does not have the courage to do so… Sometimes mocked upon when he says he would like to do something…
It is a sad state of life… some call it existential angst… But what is wrong in asking for something more in life… I do not have a job which is something that I really care about… How I wish I was doing something, something that I care… Which does not make me feel like just working for the weekend or going back home… Something that I look forward to… You give about 5 days of your life to something that you actually hate… Of course, you are empowered because of it to buy some luxuries, to not worry how you would pay for some bills but in the end no one can ever claim that the richest man is happiest man in the world… I am not speaking about contentment… But about receiving joy from your life… Feeling life as you live it and as not just days gone by… In the end, will I have anything to show against those dark circles and wrinkles and those lines on my face… Nope, nothing that I can think of…
I think of this man… Who did not want to be that guy wakes up every day, makes a living, some decent moments of joy, some pleasures here and there, lot of disappointments, some frustrations, and by the end of it all… just like a dry leaf… falls down… never really having the enjoyed the sun or the rain… never was able to feed a caterpillar… came and gone…
I envy those who never question the obvious.. and sometimes I feel it would be better to be one like them… oblivious to all this aspirations, immune to this pain that I feel… But alas…
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