The weekend is here... Actually, the only 2 days I love... I hate my job... I really do... I try my best to wear as few masks but still have to... I am corrupted...
Sometime I go for a lonely walk after dinner... All by myself... See the people who are cribbing about work, the people they work with... Or one giving advise to the other... I keep reminding myself as to how much I do not belong to this place... Sure there is something better out there... Watched a Malayalm movie "Rapakkal"... which means Day and Night... Well... The main protagonist... His contented life... Working in the farm of the foster house... Working at their house... Loving his mom like anything... The movie always gives me a lump in my throat...
Once I went to enquire about Kalaripayyutu classes here in Bangalore... I went to the place... There was this man... Ranjan Mullaratt (hopefully the spelling is correct)... I did not join the class as I am also going to gym and cannot do both at the same time... But this man... Sitting with his laptop.. He has the whole floor with about 3 rooms for himself where he conducts classes... People like to meet genuises and successful people (anyway who am I, who are we to measure success and define it)... I like to meet people like him... He who has created a small world on his own... Might not have all the wits and knowledge of the world and how it runs... But CONTENT and HAPPY with what he does... Making a small living while making a GREAT life... That kind off made my day and I am happy that I met this man... And here I am... Making a good living with the intent of enjoying a good life while I am missing life... Every day I sit in my office.. Every second I speak to my manager and convincing myself of how important it is that we are here... How important it is that I am here... All when I know... That all that i see there and will get from there... is nothing but temporary... The firm has been there before me and will continue without me... Why Do I still convince myself that it is an important part of my life... That it is more important so that I miss my life... So much so that every day I wake up and I shrug and say "it's just whichever working day"... And still go and slog for all those precious hours of life
Will I ever be in a position in my life... When I get up and look forward to being awake... When I start getting a good nights sleep... and not regretting that one day in my life is just over and tomorrow will begin in a few hours to get wasted....
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