Well... Just diverging out of the chidhood memory lane... Today I went for CHak De India at Inox... We had a movie like moment actually... I was unable to book through SMS on my mobile and hence, had told my friend to do it... So she received the confirmation message and then forwarded it to me.. then when i went along with my mom to the theatres... they did not accept it... they would only accept original messages and not downloaded messages... Then i got all angry... I demanded that i meet the manager or a superior... They let me in... and I was speaking to the incharge.. telling him this is insane... and all... I am telling him I am here with my mom and I do not want to go back dejected... I really want to do this... pls... and then a paradoxical statement "I am shouting at you but actually I am requesting you"... ha... then mom came inside and she was telling me to forget it... Maybe the guy saw my mom, realised I was genuine and he told me to come to the window and he will get me the tickets... and so i did and it was a noce one... My mom was so excited inside the theatre and she really liked the movie a lot... Well thanks to that gentleman... I had a nice time with my mom... thanks that he was a good man indeed....
So... Watching the movie... I normally watch these sport movies with a little lump in my throat... You know... As a 16 year old I had always wanted to be a cricketer... Yes people can say that it is what every other child says.. But maybe only I will understand what I used to feel when I used to play... I was never the best player around.. i don't know if I had any future at all if I had chosen the path... But I did not even dare to fail... I did not even enter the ground...
Only thing that I have against these great sports movies... I know they are supposed to be inspiring... But they seldom show what it really takes... That there is so much more than success and wins and recognition... There is so much struggle... They rarely ( i do not recollect if anyone knows such a movie pls let me know) show a movie on a sportsperson who was not skilled enough but loved the game like anything... Never progressed anywhere in the career but still had a great and meaningful life... Struggling to survive but happy in doing so... They will make the movies on the best but never any of the peers who too has played the game for so many years... not at the highest level... But the passion and love was always of the highest level... There is nothing more than one's own satisfaction and joy... Even in a team game...
Coming back to me... that is what I always picturised myself as... I always knew that I might never reach among the state teams (forget the national level)... but still I would be doing something that I like so much... that makes makes me feel so much... Can anyone else other than me see the inspiration in that... Living in the world as a failure in the eyes of the others while contented and happy in one's own eyes... Can anyone else other than me see the joy in that... the glory in that... Wow... For me they are heroes... If i was a filmmaker.. I would be making a movie on them... I already think I got a subject for my next poem... When I speak to a child about cricket.. I do not want to speak to him about the tendulkars... But Reetinder Singh Sodhi or a Laxmi Ratan Shukla... Who knows where they are now... Do you even remember them... I do...
But yes... Here I am... 25 years old... Much too late now to walk on that road... Nearing some crossroads which I myself has layed down... Infact I don't even still know which way is it.... Which road is the one... How will it end... How will it happen along the way... I am ready... Life here I come... Completely aware that in real life.. there will be no inspiring background song or instrumental... No amazing dialogues.. No picture perfect scenes... There will be real sweat... Lots of frustration and desperations and anger... slip ups and falls.... near misses... Still need to walk... Completely aware that in real life... Except maybe an amazing feeling here and there... There might not always be a fairy tale ending... But still feeling great about justifying my own life...
Chak De... LIFE!!!
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