A few firsts in life

Just trying to list down some of the few firsts in my life. Some are endearing, some are embarassing and some show how naive I was. But well, that is how life is. We don't have a school where they really teach us every other thing. We have to learn a lot on our own way. Of course, I do not remember my first step and all, but there are some events which I really remember and in a way might have shaped my growth. I will try to be chronological and also, will try to have categorise them into endearing and embarrassing (for lack of better word).


First beating:
Endearing: The first real beating that I remember is when my mom hit me after I apparently misbehaved at a family friends house. I mean all I did was to just ask them to serve us with some food (as guests are supposed to be treated) and then also asked where is tea after the snacks. Ok... Adults think it is bad habit and my mom had just told them that I don't like biscuits (which was true) but it was no excuse for me not to empty the tray :-)
Embarassing: This is so embarassing but I am so past that and grown. In college, before my real entry to philosophy or spirituality or questioning existance as it is (whatever you want to call) I was like a tapori. Pretty foolish and really naive. So here I was telling one of my friends that the mother of one guy in our group is not exactly well-behaved. As if that was not a great mistake, I thought I will do another small one. I said that I am going to propose to the girl who another guy in our group likes. Ohhh! What an error? So the next day it looks all normal and then the group decides to go near the railways tracks where it is all peaceful. I go along without any hint as to what is going to hit me (and hit it really did). As soon as we reached there, the guy (one with the mother) just slapped me and I still remembered looking at the girl (whom I was going to propose) staring at me along with the other girls. My eyes were already welled up. I lost count of how many slaps I got . End of the day, I was shameless enough to go back to the group as if everything is sorted our. But luckily, it turned out to be an important day of my life as I started alienarting myself from the group and being more alone. I think I was more active than I have ever been. Really, sitting below the pillar, looking at the girl I really loved and then looking at all those people around, seeing and observing lives and as my bro handed over Fountainhead to me... Great little warrior was born! Life has never been the same ever since.

First time on the pedal:
Actually, here it is only endearing as my bro used to take me double seat in out little tricycles when I was 3 or 4 years old in our verandah. Then he used to always take me along with him to the school or many other evenings just cycling to the kabrastaan 'hindi word for cemetery'(where we were scared and would remind us that we are not supposed to look back and call out "Chal aa na (Come, let's go)" as even the ghost will come with us). Then my bro also was the one who taught me to ride a bicycle in the ground in front of Jiten Apts.

First love:
Ohh! Ask my bro or my mom who till date says that I was in kinder garten when I got down from the rickshaw and hugged a girl (who too was in kindergarten) tright in front of our apartment. But to be honest, I do not remember it at all. And as I was always too old for my age, I do remember crushes when I was in school but if I have to remember my first love ever, it has to be Vijetha (name changed or not changed to protect identity). I still remember standing on the terrace of Advance Classes and then V turning up there and saying"Hye Abhinesh, I asked Ramitha if she likes some one..." Well,, although I remember the what I want to say is the feeling I had after the following. Once she fisnishes what she had to inform me, she is about to go back to other girl friends when she asks me "Akela hain kya(Are you alone)"and I say "Haa, Company degi kyaa? (Yes, will you give me some company)" and then a little hesitation, a little thought process and then she comes and stands next to me. That was the moment, the time when I felt and knew the wonderfull emotion we all have learnt to call "Love". V, as I have already told you, Thanks so much. Just to add, it was my first love and it went unrequited.

First Interview and Job:
Hmm... My first interview. I still remember that it was for a call centre execfutive of Hotline paging company. I went there with a false confidence assuming that I will get a job. But then, could I be more wrong? There were about 60-70 people for the Job for 5 openings. I went through the first 2 rounds but then failed. And this was to be the story of my life, till I succesfully passed and secured a job. That was after I had been rejected by 16 firms. Thanks again, because maybe otherwise I would have been staying in that bubble where survival and the daily fight for it seemed very easy and very normal. Great Little Warrior grew more and more strong and really proud that I was able to find my footing. At the time of writing this, I am working for one of the biggest firms on Wall street (of course, the B'Lore division) and been there for 6 years.

Then there are many other firsts in my life like my house, my 16 Inch TV (from my first real salary), my scooter, my first mobile and yes of course, the first time a girl loved me back (and probably the only who could ever love me). It would be really a big blog, I have to write abt this here. About my Lady, Ohh so bright!!. What can I say, just read my poems and you will see her in many.

Insensitivity - Is it natural?

Last week, I was informed over the phone that my grand mom passed away. For 2 hours or so, I was distraught. I started reminiscing about old school vacation days when we would go to Kallepuly, Pallakad where our grand parents used to stay. Memories like how I used to dislike my grandpa as he used to make us write maths tables on vacations, make us sleep early and beat us whenever we were indisciplined, how I used to like the calming effect of my grandmom, how I used to touch her very smooth stomach with my palm and say "Aiyee, so smooth", How we used to play in the lawn, and then the last time I met her. It was 2 years back and she had grown really week and frail. I felt guilty as I had spoken to her just a week back when she enquired when I will come to visit her (now that she was in my folks house) and 2 days back where she expressed her happiness over my change in shift timings.

But then, after those 2 hours or so, I did not feel much. Of course, there is a certain tinge of something missing but not exactly the kind of grievance you would attach to this kind of tragedy. I know I am not exactly spiritually evolved as I remember getting up one morning very sad as I had a very bad dream where I witness my brother in an accident and then go running around scared(I still remember that pain I felt at that time, It was so real). So is it that her being old (she was in her 80's) made me not feel a deeper grief? Or was it the emotional distance I had acquired due to not meeting here regularly or talking to her frequently? I feel it is a mix of both. But this insensitivity... It makes me wonder, why?

Not sure what answers I am looking for while I am writing here... But just thought of penning this down, a sort of confession. I feel a certain amount of guilt for this sort of indifference or insensitivity I have (whichever it is).

Not a means to justify it, but I have deep belief in nothing reallly dies but "passes on" to another form/stage/life. I hope and wish that the currently departed soul flows through the cycle of life and experiences all that it chooses to and gets nearer to the oneness we all seek...

Some office humor on the way...

These are fictional accounts and written only in pure humor. Any resemblance to any one living or dead is purely coincidental ;-)

(Inside a meeting room)
Mngr: You need to tell me whenever you go to the toilet.
Member: No, I will not.
Mngr: Why what is wrong with that?
(Then there started a whole debate over THIS-- Outcome, the member caved in so that he can get out of the room!)

Mngr: Our Team from Ninkampoo is asking for help.
Subordinate: We are ourselves short-staffed and swamped with work.
Mngr: Are you sure? Is there anything we can do?
Subordinate: Yes, we are swamped. Inform them of our situation.
Mngr: No, there should be something we can do. Let's see.
(No comments, what else can the slaves do... c'mon, you are here to take off load from the teams in Ninkampoo and do your work as well. Is that too much to ask for?)

Mngr: Our Team from Ninkampoo is asking for help.
Subordinate: We are ourselves short-staffed and swamped with work.
Mngr: Are you sure? Is there anything we can do?
Subordinate: Yes, we are swamped and finding it difficult. Inform them of our situation.
Mngr: Ok, no worries. I will call them and say that I can help them. Let me see how I can help them.
(Thanks so much. BTW, Did you know we are also finding it difficult... Ahh, never mind. ohh, now that was obvious).

Mngr: Where is my Favouriteeee? I miss my Favouriteee!
(Subordinate is surprised and slightly homophobic)

Mngr: You think it is fair to send my Favourite to Ninkampoo now and then later to Timbaktoo as well, right?
Subordinate: Ok.
Mngr: You too have good things in store.
(Now that is a naive subordinate or rather foolish as well)

Subordinate: Lets send this awesome individual to Timbaktoo.
Mngr: Really, you think so?
Subordinate: Yes, very good performer.
Mngr: I have my doubts if this possible. Anyways, send a mail to my mngr and see. But i would not raise my hopes.
(Subordinate drafts and sends the mail)
Mngr: Ohh another thing, I think this awesome individual wanted to pursue studies. Check on that.
(Any more hurdles you can think of)
(Mngr's mngr confirms that the awesome individual can go to Timbaktoo)
Mngr: Subordinate, good job on that.
(Really!!!)

(Inside a meeting room)
Mngr: Now when Dean called you from Ninkampoo for help why did you say no?
Subordinate: You know it. We are only # people here. He is aware of it. How can a greater # team ask for a smaller # team for help?
Mngr: I don't think that is nice although I see where you are coming from (can you get more creative).
Mngr: But you did not handle it better.
Subordinate: But do you see the real issue? How can we be expected to help when we ourselves are underwater?
Mngr: Don't say no. Just say "Ok, we will this but maybe you can do that for us".
Subordinate (with a puzzled look): How will that help the situation? That is no solution.
Mngr: NO. But we can't say a direct NO.
(Well it is so messed up, and it turns out to be a heated argument and after 15-20 minutes of argument, instead of work)
Mngr: I do not need a loose cannon for my Ninkampoo team.
Subordinate: Ok, I am fine with that.
(Oops.. sorry.. .that got serious)

(Inside a meeting room-- Ohh, I want to get out of here already)
2 Subordinates: We do not want to do this new function.
Mngr: But we have agreed to do this.
2 Sub: Who did? We were not asked for it?
Mngr: This was agreed much before.
2 Sub: But we were then 4, now we are only 2 left in the team.
(Mngr gives a blank look-- maybe, bad in maths)
2 Sub: We still never did it then, why should we do it now?
Mngr: No, we need to do it. That is it.
(Well, the argument would have gone for 45 mins or so and inbetween...)
Mngr: I see where you are coming from.
(and inbetween)
Mngr: I hear you.
(Does not look like that and seriously, can you be more creative)
(and inbetween)
Mngr: But, But, But... (so you confirm you are missing the point).
(Here's the outcome, 2 Subordinates came out puzzled as they were still expected to take on the new function--- Now that is what I call "People's Manager)

So that's it for office humor. Will be back for something more significant, heart touching and spiritual. Till then... Work hard.

Movies I want to make before I die - Info

I have created a new blog and now am writing down my stories/scripts on that.. here's the 1st one---
http://greatlittlewarrior-seeker.blogspot.com/

It is still under construction. You can check in periodically to see how the story progresses. It is inspired by my own life, it's trivial problems and my own spiritual quest. :-)